There was a phase of my life that I was going through a real
difficult time, my personal life was all upside down and had started to effect
my professional life too, like any other smart person I thought “God helps only
those who help themselves “, so the
first step was to accept that things were beyond my control, second best step
was to accept that I needed help and the 3rd best step yet most
difficult step was to seek help but of course it had to be discrete. How could I
let people know I was in trouble??
Sometimes we take life way too seriously and take ourselves
even more seriously , we think we can handle all that comes, we believe in the”
myth” that we can change everything by changing others ,I was sailing through those super woman times
of my life and because of the professional positions I had held somehow it was
difficult to even imagine the so called self created self image may get
sabotaged if people knew I too had problem , when I think of it now , it feels
so stupid but then we all have those moments, don’t we? With so much on my mind
I just could have not bring myself to think what people would think and talk if
they knew I too had gone wrong and was paying dearly for it, they would have
said she is not good enough to handle her own situation and you know how bad
that can get ....Judgements, gossip, a sense of failure, professional
reputation and the list was really long.
Finally I gathered all my courage and strength and put the
mask of do it or die attitude & took an appointment from a counsellor and went
to see a therapist, I still remember I even chose another city ...It is hilarious
now that I am writing about it, hilarious because I really don’t know what was
I thinking ? How did I forget that I too was a human being and capable of
making mistakes and going through difficult times .Funny isn’t it?
I remember I met 3 counsellors and they all assured me it
was natural to feel the way I felt after all that I had to tell them , I just
could not understand how could it be natural ? I had become short tempered and
would lose it at a drop of a hat, I was now working 16 hrs a day just to avoid
the personal situation, I would feel lonely most of the times, cry often and
they said it was natural to be like that? How could that be natural? As long as
I remembered I was always told by everyone that being strong and in control of
emotions was the only natural and healthy way of being right and living a good
life. So I decided that they all knew nothing and I needed to control all those emotions, anger ,
sadness, grief , loneliness ...It took me a few months and I was successful , I
congratulated myself with pride on knowing more than all those practicing
therapist .It wasn’t long enough before I had realized something inside me was
dying ....From angry , sad , aloof , I had gone to cold, heartless and
emotionally numb !It took me 3 years to realize that my genius had lead me to a
rock solid mountain ,actually not really a mountain but a Volcano , just
building up on those pent up emotions
and ready to erupt at any moment !
And suddenly one fine day it happened, in the process of
being in control I had lost it all...Anger was now rage & Sadness was now a
deep sense of rejection. When I remember those years I realize I was just
trying to be someone I was told I should be, It was so important that people
thought “I was fine” that I ignored all emotions, I forgot what being fine
really felt, all that I was doing was just suppressing every emotion that was
inside instead of going to the route cause, uprooting them and clearing them.
One miraculous day I decided I could not be doing this anymore,
I had to take a U-turn and go back to very first place I had started from and
one by one accept, validate and heal those emotions. In the process I learnt
all our emotions are valid, it is fine if we feel anger, rage, grief, sadness
...It is so human to feel all that however our ultimate purpose is to live in a
state of joy and that can be achieved if we validate all emotions and
channelize them towards the right direction. We need to reach to the very cause
of it and eliminate the cause not the emotion.
The first step is to accept how you feel, find out the reason and
channelize the emotion to something that gives you happiness and joy. Get rid
of judgements, guilt ,resentments and regret ....Know everything happens for a
reason and everything that happens , happens to teach us ,learn from everyone
and everything without judgement, be grateful
for all that life offers, forgive
and let go but don’t ignore how you feel ! Remember we all seek love, joy and
peace and the only way to happiness is through our own selves. ...Our emotions
are the language of our mind so Pay ATTENTION!
